The Cave of Solitude

Am I alive or am I dead? Is this purgatory? I cant see anything. I cant tell if I'm blind or not. Darkness is the same if my eyes are open or not.

I've been wandering in this darkness forever it seems. How do I even know I exist? Do I still have a body? or am I just a wandering thought?

When the bandits came, I ran into this secret cave. I found it myself. I don't think any of the townspeople know about it. I managed to escape from them....and pretty much everything else.

I'm no longer hungry or tired or scared. I'm just lost in nothingness. I stop and rest on the ground. I don't know how long I sleep. When I wake up, nothing changes. The darkness never leaves.

I'm struggling hard to keep my memories of being a carpenters son. I've helped my dad make lots of things. I was getting good at building things with just a hammer and nails.

I reflect on what my life was and what I could have done differently. Should I have fought back? What if I hid out in the swamp? Should I have went after my girlfriend and walked in here with her?

No. I don't wish this endlessness on anyone. I have no choice. I keep walking. I continue on this trip into darkness.

One day, if I could call it that. I saw a speck of something. I knew it had to be real since there has been no light in ages. I had a new goal. to get to that light. Ten thousand steps and I still see the faintest light get brighter.

I felt more alive the closer I got to it. It was a small campfire. I was still bathed in darkness, but that fire felt so warm and inviting. I sat right next to it. Lights and shadows were playing tricks on my eyes.

As I sat next to the glowing fire, I never noticed how cold this darkness was. I forgot how it felt to be cold and what it meant to have fire and light. I started to focus on my body. I guess I do have one. I've been in darkness so long, I could not tell what I looked like.

I was smaller. And thinner. I placed my hands over the fire. My fingers were thin and feminine. I no longer had some scars from my work accidents. They were smooth and beautiful.

There was a warmth in my cheeks as my hands caressed them. I could feel my own sadness as I touched my features. My nose was smaller. My chin, smooth and soft. My forehead felt warm with the hair that fell down on it. I touched other new things on my head. I tried not to think about it, but they were there. Hard horns right above my long ears. I'm scared about what they are. But I need to focus on the rest of me. I'm afraid that if I stop, I'll disappear again.

I felt up my legs. They were smooth and slender. They weren't thick and muscular from the many errands I ran around town. Each one was covered in some smooth silk stockings. I couldn't imagine where they came from.

My clothes weren't what they used to be. My long shirt lost its sleeves and somehow I felt like there was a short dress on me. As my hands traveled up my taut waist, it felt ticklish. I could still feel how smooth my skin was even under the dress. I poked my belly button with my fingers. I let out a soft breath. It's like I was touching my girlfriend for the first time.

I gasped in awe as my hands touched two mounds of flesh on my chest. The last time I felt such softness was when my mother hugged me. It sent a shiver all over my body. The darkness changed me. I wasn't a boy
anymore. What am I? Am I still human?

Even after all that pondering, the fire still kept burning. I didn't want to leave. No matter what form I have I was afraid of leaving this fire. I was afraid that I would lose myself again. My eyes close drowsily as sleep claims my body again.

"Wake up Zetanya! Oh Please wake up!" I heard a voice say. I felt arms shaking in my shoulders as something jumped on me.

I opened my eyes and found a girl. She had long hair and smaller horns on her head. I looked around and I saw the fading, glowing embers of a dead campfire.

"Say some thing sister! Has the Cave of Solitude still got your soul? You haven't forgotten your dear little sister Musemiya?" she replied. "You've always been so sensitive to the magic of this cave."

"Uhhhh. Where am I?" I said in a raspy voice. "I feel like I was living someone else's life. It was so vivid and full of sorrow."

"Well Zetanya, that's what happens when you go into this cave. Reality gets confused in here." Musemiya replied, "I doubt any human could survive it. Only our race is strong enough. Let's get out of here. You won the bet. You proved yourself. All our friends are waiting outside the cave for you. Let's all go and have some tea. We can talk about the visions you had in here."

I hold my sisters hand and we leave the cave. I rub my eyes as I head outside into the warm spring morning. My friends smiles and faces cheer me up. I really don't know if what happened in the cave was real or not. I don't know If I was a carpenter boy or a girl named Zetanya. But whatever I am now, I'm glad to have escaped from that darkness.